Ridiculous Slang

Who came up with the phrase “Jacked up”? Since when did jacked replace screwed, messed, fouled, gummed, loused, mucked and that oh so favorite one that sure sounds like mucked, but starts with the infamous F?

And second of all, who decided we need 8 different words to proceed up to mean the same thing??

Who I ask you, who?

Simple Idea for Campus Safety

I received an email from UT today regarding campus safety and the steps the university is taking to enhance their readiness and ability to react to an incident that threatened the security of those on campus. I thought one of the initiatives was a very simple and elegant solution. It’s called ‘Red Alert’ and students can register their cell phone to receive a text or voice message in the event of danger.

An enhancement to the Red Alert program would be to allow users to be able to text or call to report danger, although some incidents may then be reported that don’t qualify as Red Alert safety concerns. In light of the recent campus tragedies, I would air on the side of caution and allow everyone to enact the alert.

Over the Top Donuts

This morning while grabbing a bagel, I peeked at the assortment of Dunkin’ Donuts.  This doughnut in particular caught my eye and reminded me of the pretzel Michael Scott orders on Pretzel Day from The Office.

 

Yes, those are mini M&M’s on top of a white frosted doughnut. I’m holding off for the creme filled, M&M and sprinkle chocolate frosted doughnut though.

Michael: Hi. Please tell me you have a sweet pretzel left.
Pretzel Guy: We do.
Michael: Thank god.
Pretzel Guy: And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&Ms, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallows, nuts, toffee nuts, coconut, peanut butter drizzle, oreos, sprinkles, cotton candy bits, and powdered sugar.
Michael: Is there any way that you can do all, all of them?
Pretzel Guy: The works, you got it.
Michael: All right! Thank you!

Customer Service Reps working on 1980’s Computers

I have been making a lot of calls to companies lately regarding my home purchase. These range from calling mortgage brokers, banks, insurance companies, cable, electric, and gas providers. Every time I call them, I get a different customer representative who has to either take or confirm my personal and account information. Of the numerous calls I have made, at least 87% of the customer reps have stated that their computers are “running slow today”. Either every customer service representative works on old DOS based computer or is still dialing up through 28k modems.

I don’t buy it. I pay all of these places enough money to be able to afford a computer that can keep up with entering my information and processing some data as well as a high speed internet connection.

You and Your Aim: for you Office Boys

If you can’t aim, use a urinal or have the decency to lift the lid.  There is NO reason for little yellow dots to cover the entire seat.

Elevator Etiquette

On more than one occasion I have been in  an elevator heading towards the Lobby/1st floor and the elevator abruptly stops a floor short.  The door opens and someone climbs in to ride down one floor, usually squeezing into an already crowded elevator.  Doesn’t anyone else find this ridiculous?  Why wait for the elevator just to go ONE floor?

Solution: Elevators should not service the 2nd or 3rd floors.  Take the stairs – save energy and all you environmentalists can say you’re offsetting carbon emissions.    A service elevator can still run to all floors, but that would be reserved for services requiring the elevator to lift people/equipment that can not make it up the stairs.  Anyone with a handicap would be given a key and permitted to use the elevator for any floor.

Since this will never happen, some Elevator Etiquette needs to be followed.  If you are in a building with more than 5 floors and you’re on the 2nd floor, don’t be that guy (or girl).  Take the stairs.  If you have 10 suitcases, get the bellboy to come get your crap and let him deal with the elevator.  There’s no reason for you and your 8 kids to pile into the elevator for a floor.

This solution could also be applied going up the stairs.  Oh, and a little exercise never hurt anyone either.